Imported from Q’s old blog using the wayback machine. I’m asking the questions, Q is answering.
1. You, CyberD, Gyuss and Dagromm are in a plane crash. You and Cyber are the only survivors. Which one out of Gyuss and Dagromm do you wish had lived instead of CyberD and why?
Anyone but CyberD. No doubt all I would hear about for the rest of his days are how the crash was all my fault. Luckily for me, CyberD has quite a bit of fatty tissue around his lean muscle mass, so he will be good and tender when I enjoy his remains, keeping the lower half of his body for a few days afterward for pleasure. If I had to choose out of Gyuss and Dagromm, though, I would pick Dagromm because I know I would be able kill/sodomize him the easiest.
2. In an alternate universe, Tiki Barber and Gabrielle Union somehow hook up and invite you and me to join them at a swingers party. Which kind of condoms do you forget to pick up at the store along the way, and what method do I use to beat the living shit out of you for making me miss the party?
This is obviously a trick question since you know I don’t wear condoms. And I would imagine that you would use that Louisville Slugger you call a vibrator to incapacitate and disorientate me.
3. Was Mos Def there and did you make me miss him putting it on Scarlett Johanssen?
Son of a bitch! I can’t believe I missed Mos putting it on Scarlett. Eff me! Oh well, luckily, I would make it up to you in other ways. Like some new shoes, some new pajamas and some hot, steamy takeout from Perry’s Meat Market.
4. If you had a brother and sister, which one would I accidentally offend first, how would I do it, and what would we buy on eBay to smooth things over?
I can imagine you would offend my sister first. More than likely you did by making one of your off-color jokes that she is not accustomed to hearing. You know which ones I am talking about: “A white guy, a black guy and a Mexican guy walk into a bar…”
We’d get her one of those butterfly sex toys from eBay. Baby blue. Her favorite color. Oh, and a black guy. We’d get her one of those, too.
5. On your five hour drive to visit me, I am at a funeral and unable to talk to you on your cell phone. CyberD is at a “convention” and Gyuss and Dags are otherwise indisposed. Which one of your blog commenters do you call to keep you company instead?
Well since I only talk to y’all on my drive so I can hear myself speak and to bask in my awesomeness, I would probably just leave everyone of you long, drawn-out voicemails that would make you wish that you had been available to talk to me. Plus, there is always porno on my in-dash DVD player to keep me company.
My questions for Fringes are up at the Fringe.
