apropos of nothing

When I applied for Jordan’s disability parking permit, it was mainly for the hot summer months here that are dangerous for people like Jordan with seizure disorders.

I asked the doctor for a temporary tag prescription, but once the perfectly horrible traumatic brain injury gets attached to any type of state-issued medical form, the diagnosis is quite the unexpected perk. We were issued a red permanent disability tag which totally trumps you blue tag suckers who broke your ankle hooping in your work shoes and are unwilling to walk the extra 20 feet from your car to the mall entrance. [2011 UPDATE: the tag colors have been reversed: it's blue for perm, red for temp. your government likes to keep it interesting]

We’ve had the tag for three years now. I’ve joked it’s like free valet parking anywhere in America as long as Jordan is a passenger, and it’s really true. We valet parked the car for the entire week in San Antonio. With the tag, our bill was zero.

Yes, there are people who, after circling the block for half an hour looking for a parking space at a crowded event, will visually inspect each and every person dislodging themselves from our vehicle. If they don’t see wheels and walkers, it can get a little tense. I actually stared down this woman who was waiting in front of our sushi place for her boyfriend who was parking their car 300 blocks south or something like that. It was like she wanted to ask wanted to ask wanted to ask, but was contemplating the almost beat down because you never know with those people.

I broke the showdown by saying hello while lifting Ehren the bowling ball out of the backseat and following Jordan the surgically repaired bionic teenager through the restaurant front doors. The woman figured I’d stolen the tag when I’d carjacked whomever owned the Highlander I was driving and decided to leave well enough alone.

Parents of other disabled kids speak with pride when telling me they don’t need the parking tag or the pitiable extra assistance thankyouverymuch until I tell them how unfair it was to Jordan that we would have to plan our time spent at concerts and festivals around how far away the car was parked. People with one-sided weaknesses tire more quickly than people whose bodies share equally the physical load. I was forced to look for very early signs of fatigue then start everyone walking to our parking space before she was too exhausted for the trek. Learned that through some fairly bad experiences, once having to leave her alone at a park entrance while I ran with a very young Jon Alex to bring the car to her. There’s no pity in being safe and protecting your child.

Hey, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs opens today. We’re there already with our nachos and white cherry Icees. Parked in the front row. Happy weekend.