Inspired by posts written by Tex & Natalie and a comment left by voix, we’re taking a break today from my usual ramblings and having a small group therapy session.
I have a few questions and can only use my perspective to answer them, so I want to hear what you have to say. How this should work: I’m asking a few questions in the body of the post, and if you would select one you’d like to answer, please copy ‘n paste it into your comment box, then type in your reply.
Speaking of reply, if you’d like to chime in on someone else’s response, feel free to click the “reply” hyperlink in his or her comment box. We can nest them 10 layers deep. Keep checking back for the discussion, or you can leave the “notify me of follow-up comments via e-mail” box checked and you’ll see the replies in your email. Do not reply directly in email. It’s a no-reply address. You gotta come back here to participate.
You are also welcome to ask questions of your own in comments and I’ll make sure I answer if I’m not too busy at work. Of course, anyone can answer those as well. We’ll keep this going as long as there Qs and As.
- How much “personal space” do you need in a relationship? How comfy are you with a partner who has the exact opposite space requirements? [zero space needed, call me from the Wal-Mart parking lot and we'll hang on the phone while the prices are falling. Or, is it better for you to "check in" one every couple of weeks to keep the body warm and the interest just piqued enough for birthday sex]
- Does your movie buddy double as your sexual partner in crime?
- If you’re in a steady relationship, how long has it been since you’ve seen your baby in something other than gray sweatpants and those crazy socks knitted by Grandma on her death bed?
- Are you into titles like husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend, or are you okay with being called “yo”.
- If you’re in love, how long did it take for you to fall in love?
- What does it take to make you fall out of love?
- Your partners’ nervous habits: acceptable and totally cute or I just reminded you to Google “home lobotomies” after you read this post?
- public displays of affection: are you all for it or completely against it my mother could be watching from her bar stool?
- If you have kids, have they sucked all the romance from your lifeless body, yet? I hear you can resell lost souls on eBay.
- Finish this sentence: In a relationship, I feel most comfortable and filled with love when my partner ________________.
Answers and more questions in comments. I feel a regular fringe feature coming on…
Are you into titles like husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend, or are you okay with being called “yo”.
Titles give me the hebbies and makes me think of my Women’s Studies class where we used to shout things like, “I will NOT be some man PROPERTY! I will NOT be LABLED!” My boobs were always too big to join in on that bra burning thing.
Boyfriend seems teeny booper. Partner sounds to businessy. Lovah only works in…ok lover never works. Ever.
Yeah, I can’t don’t like titles but I LOVE it when I guy calls me, “Shawty” it gives me giggles.
@Tex In The City, a misc date guy called me shorty once. I did not feel complimentary. I think it was because there was no chemistry.
@Tex In The City, When my husband calls me “Baby Girl” It makes my nethers blush a little. Rowr!
@Dory, “Baby Girl” is wicked sexy, esp. when said with a bit of a growl.
I rebelled against “wife” for the first year until I realized it is NOT synonymous with “maid.”
We mostly stick with sweetie/sweetheart/honey/darling around here.
@Motormouth, “wife” makes my heart pound. This is my wife. I love my wife. Hey wife, where’s my bj? Well, maybe not that one.
@Dory, Ohhhh! Baby Girl, I like that one too! I don’t know what it is but those terms of endearment make me all mushy!
@Tex In The City, I just tried to click to comment over at your house but it’s just pinwheeling. I’ll try again tomorrow. I’m very “OOOO something shiny” so if I don’t, remind, me, ‘k?
@Tex In The City, I can’t stand being called Baby Girl by my husband. My dad calls me that and if it comes out of my husband’s mouth towards me I feel all skeevy.
Your partners’ nervous habits: acceptable and totally cute or I just reminded you to Google “home lobotomies” after you read this post?
There’s this one thing that I simply pray will not get passed on to my kids. Drives me totally nuts when it happens to the point I have to get up and leave. Had it come before the “in-love” acceptance phase of things it would have been a deal-breaker, if you know what I mean.
@Orion, oh it can’t be that bad. What is it? No secrets or veiled answers today at the fringe.
@Orion, Yeah, THAT doesn’t make us HAVE to know what it is! Tell, tell, tell! *jumps up and down with each TELL*
If you’re in love, how long did it take for you to fall in love?
I have/hate to admit I’m totally in love with my new hubby or “sprung” as we say around the way. It took a long time for me to feel that way due to deep and pervasive scars and PTSD from my first failed marriage. Falling in love is scary, thus the falling… it makes me think of those crazy dreams where you feel like you’re falling off a cliff and then jerk awake just before the rapidly approaching and assuredly painful demise.
@creolegirl, I want to feel as if I am falling off a cliff into yummy goodness with someone.
@creolegirl, I should have known sex and love would bring on your first fringe comment! Your new hubby should be all kinds of PTSD cure. He’s awesumz.
@creolegirl, that’s a “myoclonic jerk” you experience in those cliff dreams. Mazel tov on your newlywedded bliss!
@Motormouth, I can’t tell you how many myclonic jerks I’ve dated!
@fringes, I set ‘em up, you knock ‘em down.
@creolegirl, I’m all twitterpated with my hunk of almost-15-years! Good God, can it really be 15 already?!
So much to respond to….but I’ll combine a few.
I’ve been married for 12 1/2 years-I’m not into major public displays of affection but love the old fashioned holding hands, his arm around me to guide me through a door, that kind of thing. Which leads into personal space: we get that during the day while he’s at work so we’ve gotten to where we love our evenings together. So, it totally sucked when he was away on a business trip last week. We mostly call each other by our names or “Babe”.
We are STILL hopelessly in love, but the passionate, rip each other’s clothes off thing comes and goes. (Not to say that we don’t do it during the off times, but it’s less ripping and more “Hey, wanna do it?”)
@Headless Mom, hey wanna do it is cracking me up.
@fringes, Believe me, the ‘hey, wanna do it’ times are just as good as the others. No lack of the good stuff around here! Just more tame/less tame. KWIM?
@Headless Mom, yes, in fact, I do KWYM
@fringes, I believe that “Hey Wanna Do It?” is my signature move
@Q, will 9:30ish tonight work for you?
@Headless Mom, I’m so laughing over here; we totally, “Hey, wanna do it?” sometimes!
@Dory, “Hey, wanna do it?”
“Does a ten pound bag of flour make a pretty big biscut?!”
@Tex In The City, LMAO! I’m so using that!
#9: If you have kids…
Oy, kids. Thank God mine are in full-day childcare three days/week (which will end at the end of this semester and I hardly want to think about that) and thank God my four-year-old still naps, sometimes at the same time as his little brother. More afternooners here than nighttime sessions around here, mostly because by the end of a full day with two little boys we’re too tired to do much beyond crack a Bud Light and watch some Top Gear. But, this has its own romance, in the “you and me against the world” vein. The next grandparents who come to visit will be obligated to spend one night in our house so Monstro and I can have our first kid-free overnight in, oh, four years.
@Motormouth, four years?? I wish for you a local BFF. You need a much deserved break.
@fringes, We never get an overnight! And since our girl was 7 when we got married we’ve never been without kids. Add to that no local relatives and it was pretty ‘dry’ around here when the kids were little. Rest assured @Motormouth, it gets better!
@Motormouth, Holy shit, FOUR YEARS? You are totally due! I work 3rd shift and we have a tween and a teen, so we have to grab anytime possible. It’s made me much more spontaneous to my hunk’s delight.
What does it take to make you fall out of love?
Boredom and complacency. Not much of that around here w/ two kids running around (which ties in to my above comment pretty nicely, I think).
PDA:
I’m ok with hand-holding, kisses <2 seconds, hugs, arms around me from the back. Anything more than that is, kind of, hey people might get skeeved out.
Group therapy? Awesome. I’ll pick a couple to answer, too.
Are you into titles like husband/wife or boyfriend/girlfriend, or are you okay with being called “yo”.
I have no idea anymore what we used to call each other in the beginning of our marriage, but now? Mommy. Daddy. God, that was embarrassing to admit. And yeah, you can judge b/c it’s weird. We really do try hard not to do it in public, though. Maybe when we’re 80 it’ll be cute.
public displays of affection: are you all for it or completely against it my mother could be watching from her bar stool?
We hold hands and would hug or kiss in public, but we don’t get horizontal in the city or anything. But I totally blow him when he’s driving, sometimes. We have tinted windows so it’s not technically public, yes?
Finish this sentence: In a relationship, I feel most comfortable and filled with love when my partner ________________.
It’s hard to fill it in. There’s nothing that he does that makes me ‘most comfortable’. It’s in me. It’s how I feel, and no matter what is going on in life and/or our relationship, as long as I am content with myself I can love him even on his bad day.
@Christine, I totally blow him while he’s driving sometimes…
Did Q pay you to include that tidbit?
@fringes,
Ahh yeah, TMI now that I think about it:) Anywho…no, Q did not pay me. But I would definitely give my addy for payments into Paypal.
[...] figure, that last one eliminated me from consideration. As did, perhaps, our free fringes discussion about sex. With our partners. In our own homes or [...]
I don’t like any of the titles, but I love terms of endearment. Call me baby like you mean it, and I’m done for.
I’ve got to have my space, and I like others that need theirs, but space can get to be a habit rather than a real need, so I think it’s good to break out of that mind-set once in awhile.
I’ve never fallen out of love. I’m not sure how that happens. Then again, I’ve never loved anyone who wasn’t, at least at the time, worthy of being loved. I have broken up every relationship I’ve had though, so no one should listen to me.
I breakup *before* the bad things happen. I don’t like bad things.
Yeah, I totally have insomnia tonight. I was hoping to be exhausted by the time I finished this, but no. Wide awake.