SEO, WordPress and other stuff you don’t really care about

My blog kept putting up an internal error 500 message that was trying to kill me for real, so I went on a research rampage looking for all likely causes.

The error 500 message prevents my readers and me from accessing any part of my blog, so getting rid of it is very very important.

I use several plugins on my blog, and plugins are to professional Web designers what misplaced commas are to professional writers: something to be avoided and mocked incessantly. As much as I was getting that error, I knew it had something to do with a plugin, WordPress and my host Go Daddy. I deleted all the plugins I thought I could manage without and kept only the ones that I love love love. [UPDATE I eventually left GoDaddy for Blue Host. GoDaddy sucks]

I suspect the real problem was WP Super Cache, installed by the WordPress world community to speed up page load times. WP Super Cache clashed and conflicted with most of the other plugins as well as Go Daddy, so I finally had to say goodbye. Maybe I’ll now have to resist my 1000 MB photo collages.

I’ve fallen in love with Simple Tags, a plugin that scans the text of each post then adds the post tags automatically. Combined with SEO Smart Links which automatically hyperlinks tags within each post at my customized request, I almost never have to tag or hyperlink again. All this internal linkage activity gives the Google bots something to chew on as people are searching for alternatives to spanking their children (at least that’s what I tell myself they are searching for, Mr Spanking Kids Naked). Once I tag that word in a fifth post, Simple Tags and SEO Smart Links will link it for me, and links encourage new readers to browse my archives. This lessens my bounce rate, the time people spend on my blog before bouncing away. Writers, we crave an audience.

SEO Smart Links also removes unnecessary words from my permalink structure to make the link easier for search engines to digest. You know I loves me some super long post titles and Smart Links will pare I-could-use-a-cup-of-five-dollar-coffee-and-a-ten-dollar-pastry down to coffee-pastry. I can ramble away and still be an effective hit for people who care what I had for breakfast.

Headspace among 1000 other things lets me rename the post entirely without affecting the post title. This post on my blog is titled “SEO, WordPress and other stuff you don’t really care about”, but in search engine land, it’s simply “WordPress SEO”.

My other favorite plugin is the tagline rotator, randomly letting you know I am married to the cutest white boy ever and that I once overheard my dog and my kids plotting to kill me. Don’t thank me, thank my muscles is a funny line from Handy Manny. Have you asked me about my slumber parties, yet?

If you’re still awake, other things you know in comments…