For some reason, this is my most popular post with visitors arriving through Google search.
Do you remember how happy I was during my layoff period last year when I got to stay home with the kids? I was planning meals and cooking dinner and trying all sorts of healthful recipes, even writing reviews for some of them on Vegansaurus? Gee, what happened to all that?
Oh, yes, I ran out of money. See, my house runs better on jobs, especially when I’m the one who has them. The reason I was so upset about my 90-minute commute when I landed this current (and expiring) contract was the three hours out of each day I wasn’t gonna be home, putting more pressure on Jordan and letting Jon Alex run willy nilly in his boxer briefs all day long. But I am one of those moms who has to work, mainly because women and children shelters do not have free wi-fi and, I believe, only basic cable. So if I’m away from home 12 hours a day, it’s because I have to be, not because I want to be.
And that’s just me. Did you know there are working mothers who simply love to work? They love their kids just as much as the rest of us, and they love their careers. Weird, right? Perhaps a little satanic, I hear you thinking.
All this seems fairly normal until I try getting out of the house to do things with other people. That Chevy Moms promo affected my work schedule, and it would probably been easier if I had more free time during the week. It saddens to me say I’ve left the group. Briefly wrapping up: the Malibu is a nice car. Jordan loved it, I like my Toyota because it seats eight people and doesn’t hide the cupholders.
While at the Great Day Houston taping, I ran into some mothers from a local moms organization . I’d heard really good things about the group and, since I’m now trying to commune with people off-Internet, I thought I’d get more information. Until I found this on its website:
[redacted] is a national support group for mothers who have chosen to modify or eliminate employment outside the home in order to devote more time to their families and communities.
Oh, well. And wow. I’m a little offended by the sentence structure implying that because I’m a working mom, I devote less time than non-working moms to my family or community. Counting on two hands: PTA mom, school yearbook photographer, soccer mom, baseball mom, children’s theatre mom, good neighbor mom with a freshly manicured lawn, puppy mom, soon-to-be high school football season ticket holder who doesn’t even have a kid on the team mom. All this with a full-time job and a baby, beyotches.
Please do not misunderstand: I’m not poo-pooing the need for a support group for stay-at-home moms. I’m simply taking issue with this particular group’s implication that I need to eliminate or “modify” my employment to devote time to my kids and community, and if I do have a full-time job, I’m not welcome to join.
I may not be able to organize a food drive, but I’ll drop off some donations. And, yeah, I probably can’t make that celebrity golf tournament scheduled during my paycheck-making time, but my teenager can work the greeter’s table. I’m not sure who ripped this ridiculous line in the sand between women and mothers with a metallic pink chainsaw but, yes, I’m keeping my tortured metaphor as written. You know what I meant.
Things you’ve been holding inside in comments…
You are making me feel inadequate. Yearbook photog? Damn.
I think some people have a tendency to judge the stay at home mommy. That’s why there’s a need for the support group to make them feel all superior about their choice. Did I just write that? Eh, it is what it is.
What do I know, anyway? I’ve been both and everything in between. The 60+ hours a week working outside the home, and trying to raise 3 kids mostly by yourself…sucks. And so does the staying cooped up at home and volunteering left/right for this/that.
I think it would be best to stay home and do nada for anybody. Which is my plan next Tuesday and Wednesday. Is there a group that supports that?
I’d totally support a do-nothing group and pay dues. No meetings, no fundraisers, just midnight text messages and a valid credit card.
The yearbook photog assignment was fun. I got a schedule of events ahead of time and signed up for the ones I could attend. Proud to say more than half my pics made the final print. Even a pic of me and the baby, heh.
I haven’t seen many moms who weren’t miracle workers regardless of whether they are at home or in the workforce. Having to draw a line is ridiculus. That said, when does this Do Nothing group start because I’ve been waiting on that one for years?
I agree in style and substance with your entire comment. When we start our do-nothing support group, Type-A moms need not apply. Unless they plan the year-end banquet and get Susan Orlean to keynote.
*excellent* post erica! and so, so (sadly) true! maybe we should all spend just a little less time judging each other and focus on our own lives and our own kids. we’re all doing the best we can. and you? you’re doing enough for both of us, so maybe i’ll just go take a nap!
Minnesota Mamaleh is dying for you to read Minnesota Mamaleh- Yin Yang
I edited this post while writing it. I deleted a line that said something like “we can’t all be awesome like Galit!” I didn’t want you to think I was being sarcastic, Mrs Arts-and-Crafts Workshop Lady. A nap, indeed…
I agree with you. I have been both. Currently a working single mom.
There is no reason for moms to hate on moms unless abuse or neglect is involved. As you so succinctly put it beyotches!!!
Heh. Thanks!